Letter to my Son excerpt…

Yesterday, my first born son turned 13 years old. It was such a good time shared between the four of us. Though this was now how we planned on spending it quarantined, it was awesome to just get out of our respective offices and be together – in the moment. I love my boys. I have a unique relationship with my first born son. My son understands me at my worst and, often times, helps redirect me. My son has literally told me before, “mom, it’s not a big deal”, and I’ve looked right at him and let a huge sigh out before I replied, “you’re right, it’s not”. I am not ashamed to admit this because as a mother, I worry a lot. Heck, as a Parent – we all worry!

May you always know how much I love you. I was told I would never get pregnant because of how many women issues I had. You are a blessing to my life, both my babies are. I love you so much, and I am grateful for you because you have made me a better woman, a better friend and a better wife to your dad. I never realized how much #mentalhealth stuff I needed to sort out before having kids. No matter how you plan life, life has its own plan. I’m relieved it happened that way, because through raising you I have identified the areas I want to work on myself.

You cut veggies like a Champ! When I’m cooking dinner, I always appreciate how much I can count on you if my veggies are still whole. When your birthday needs help leveling up in his video game or cooking his own food, you opt to come right away and help him out. Your leadership is evident and I am so proud of you and love the bond you and your brother share.

Now that you’re 13, an official QuaranTEEN, I admit that I am nervous. Society is so different compared to when I was growing up, add a Pandemic and Homeschool to that. I have faith that you will do amazing this school year. You will always have a path for you to accomplish your goals and live your best life. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for being so good to me. I love you and I am grateful for you as a blessing of 2.

Happy 13th Birthday to my baby boy, I love you today, forever and always.

Growing up…

I have learned a lot throughout the course of this depression battle for the past few months. I learned more about myself though mostly. One particular harsh reality was how much I am like my parents. The distribution of these qualities during development was unfair for me as the middle child. I got the best qualities, which I love, but I also got the worst qualities, which I hate. Despite the reasons, I think it’s important to take it all and manifest it into what you want – so, that’s what I’ve been doing my entire adult life.

Seriously though, after experiencing 2 cross country moves in less than 6 months, the worst job experience of my career, a business deal gone bad, my children experiencing change and the ultimate pandemic coronavirus situation, and more ever since my years as a Parental child/teenager. Aside from your typical financial impacts as a result and starting from scratch again, it’s a tough pill to swallow. The level of defeat was underestimated. Dramatic rant over.

Now that I’m working again, it’s my 2nd week at my new job (excited), I’m starting to get back into old but good habits. I am using my planner again, setting alarms and getting runs in, making a to-do list and adding chore responsibilities to my boys to balance OUR soon-to-be-school/work/life schedule, the works. Hubby and I make a weekly meal plan of our favorites, and then I try to cook it with the least amount of butter and healthy fats for oils. In our attempt to kind of rebirth our family during this overcoming period, we are also trying to eat healthier.

This is all growth for me. I feel maturity has worked in my advantage during this time and now permanently. I have noticed that things I once worried and overthought about no longer exist. I feel the most empowered to spread my voice and go back to that young writer who aspired to change the world and help as many people as she can.

Even as a working mom and chairwoman for the local school district, I’ve noticed my patience level increase. Any mom or parent alike could agree that for about the first 10 years of your child’s life, your anxiety levels are through the roof – no secrets here! Let alone raising a child during today’s current events, my “hat” goes off to all parents now more than ever. I feel a sense of relief as my boys morph into their own personalities and personas.

We all must grow to see the other side, the side you only hear about on someone’s social media reel, story or LinkedIn featured. I say it because I do it myself. But it can be like that sometimes?! Manifest your own Destiny. No matter how dark the shit is you go through, remember there’s always a blank canvas waiting to be dusted off that resides in each one of us – theoretically speaking. Another chance. A new start. Fresh beginnings. Never give up.

Buenas Noches…