Letter to my Son excerpt…

Yesterday, my first born son turned 13 years old. It was such a good time shared between the four of us. Though this was now how we planned on spending it quarantined, it was awesome to just get out of our respective offices and be together – in the moment. I love my boys. I have a unique relationship with my first born son. My son understands me at my worst and, often times, helps redirect me. My son has literally told me before, “mom, it’s not a big deal”, and I’ve looked right at him and let a huge sigh out before I replied, “you’re right, it’s not”. I am not ashamed to admit this because as a mother, I worry a lot. Heck, as a Parent – we all worry!

May you always know how much I love you. I was told I would never get pregnant because of how many women issues I had. You are a blessing to my life, both my babies are. I love you so much, and I am grateful for you because you have made me a better woman, a better friend and a better wife to your dad. I never realized how much #mentalhealth stuff I needed to sort out before having kids. No matter how you plan life, life has its own plan. I’m relieved it happened that way, because through raising you I have identified the areas I want to work on myself.

You cut veggies like a Champ! When I’m cooking dinner, I always appreciate how much I can count on you if my veggies are still whole. When your birthday needs help leveling up in his video game or cooking his own food, you opt to come right away and help him out. Your leadership is evident and I am so proud of you and love the bond you and your brother share.

Now that you’re 13, an official QuaranTEEN, I admit that I am nervous. Society is so different compared to when I was growing up, add a Pandemic and Homeschool to that. I have faith that you will do amazing this school year. You will always have a path for you to accomplish your goals and live your best life. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for being so good to me. I love you and I am grateful for you as a blessing of 2.

Happy 13th Birthday to my baby boy, I love you today, forever and always.

The aftermath..

This time last year was so different, so much better to be honest. I had just graduated with my master’s degree and was at a good place in my career. I allowed influence and stress to take over my life, and the livelihood of my own family. Multiple factors made us vulnerable and drove us to radical changes. We moved across the country twice in one year, and experienced a lot of hardship in between. We thought we were making the right choice, but our journey as a family had taken a sharp turn into turmoil. I experienced things that reminded me of my childhood, and I was quickly reminded of why it was not a good choice to make this move.

Truth has it that, we as people, get stronger with every trial and tribulation we endure. I believe it. It has been 10 months since all that madness began, and I am NOT the same person I was. My perspective has changed. My boundaries have been redefined. I consider this a positive since we all must grow from our mistakes as adults.

I have learned a lot about myself and my behaviors. Always being focused on breaking the cycle and being the difference took a toll on me. The urge to seek the attention and love I lacked as a Parental child growing up in a single-parent household haunted me. It led me across the country yearning for something that just is not there, and I get it now.

I am back in my home State of Florida, and time has given me clarity. My feelings towards the people who hurt us have been rehabilitated. A grip of reality and the ability to accept things as they are. A new perspective towards the future and what will come. I have faith things will continue to improve.

I decided to start this blog to connect with community as I document this journey. As I grow closer to my “late 30’s”, I want to utilize my passion for writing now more than ever. Being quarantined in the middle of a Pandemic has definitely provided influence! I look forward to documenting my experiences as a wife, mother, dog mom, and working mom.