It gets old

I have never had the best relationship with my Parents. We have never really seen eye-to-eye per say. My mom led a totally different life, never believes she is wrong, and I can count with one hand the number of times my Mother has hugged me, kissed me, or even told me she loved me. My Father has always been in and out of my life. Now that I am a Mother, I can put into perspective my synopsis of how my Parents make me feel.

One thing that is so important includes being the change. The subtitle of my Blog is, “Break the Cycle, Be the Difference”. The reason being, I have spent the majority of my life finding ways to go the route contrary to my Parents due to their examples and lack of support for me in my life. Yes, they’ve made strides to be there for momentous occassions, but it has never felt real. It has never felt pure. My Parents have always had another agenda. It is what it is, I’m almost 36 (it’s my Birthday month haha).

IG: Stimulate_Mental

You know how everyone has a pet peeve? Well, mine are liars. Both my Parents made a lot of empty promises to me growing up. As a Parent myself now, I can imagine that initially the promise was made with every intention on fulfilling it. However, I feel like honesty is the best policy at all times, whether in your personal life and especially your kids.

You have to live with some degree of integrity. I have worked so hard to achieve the reputation that I do today. That isn’t because I just wanted the attention. It’s because I want to always be remembered as someone always willing to lend a helping hand.

I digressed… I guess it just pisses me off when my Parents begin to implement those false promises with my kids, their grandchildren. Don’t lie to my kids. You lied to me so much in my lifetime, shit on me all day for all I care. But, do not repeat the cycle with my children as that to me is where I have to cross the line. I had to recently confront one of my Parents about it and I am glad I did. It is not okay, and if my Parents want to maintain a relationship with their grandchildren, then I think there is a degree of respect, honesty and integrity that they should maintain themselves.

Okay – rant over.

My kind of White Rice

Ingredients:
Long grain White rice
Water ~ Agua
1 tsp Sea Salt
1 tbsp Vegetable or Olive Oil (I usually jump between Vegetable Oil and Olive Oil)
1 Garlic clove peeled (garlic powder also works, half a tsp/dash)

Steps:

  • Add your desired number of cups of rice to a dutch oven style pot (deep enough for rice and water) I usually cook 2-3 cups
  • Wash the RICE! Make that RICE your b*&$# at least 10 times (yes, 10 times lol)
  • Drain as much water as you can, the clearer the water the better wash it has
  • Once you’ve drained the water from the RICE BATH, add enough water until you can rest the tip of your finger on the bed of rice under water. Once the water reaches the first bend/line on your index finger, you have added enough water! Trust me, it works lol.
  • ADD:
    -1 tsp. sea salt
    -1 tbsp. veg oil (i jump between veg oil and olive oil)
    -1 garlic clove peeled (garlic powder also works, half a tsp/dash)
  • MIX it well
  • COOK:
    Place pot uncovered on stove on HIGH, and let boil until water is almost gone
    Lower temp to simmer/low with the lid closed tightly once you see water is almost gone
    LEAVE IT ALONE please 🙂 no peeking!!
    Give it 10-15 minutes dependent on your stove heat level
    Open lid and fluff your rice with a fork (also turn heat to lowest temp unless your husband likes burnt rice like mine does)
  • ENJOY! Please leave your review in the comments if you get to try this! 🙂

Thanks for cooking with me!

The Ex-JW wife

Being married to an ex-Jehovah’s Witness isn’t as peaceful as you would think. There is the constant judgement, consistent influence and preaching whether you like it or not, comparisons and such. Though my husband has not practiced the religion in over 20 years, the desire for him to repent remains. If I thought I had issues with my mother-in-law it would only be due to this. I wish Netflix or some platform would interview spouses of ex-Jehovah’s witnesses to get a feel for what these people went through. But what about us wives? When do we get to stop being judged? While I can’t give enough shits about what anyone thinks of me, the family dynamic and where we fit in to the puzzle is a misfit.

I have been married for almost 15 years. Since the beginning of my marriage, when I met my in-laws (notice, not before I was legally married), I have been critiqued, judged, talked about, envied over, the works. When I was first introduced to my husband’s family, I had a 15-year old girl tell me I would never feel welcomed since I am clearly different from them.

As for my kids, I was told that when Armageddon decided to show up, that we would be destroyed since we are not Jehovah’s Witnesses. Perhaps they don’t have a pulse to understand how much that hurts to hear.

I have been asked multiple times why I chose to marry into such a complex family dynamic. Love would be the obvious answer, but not I. I do love my husband, but that’s not the point.

My entire life I have been a misfit. I was always the rare breed, the runt of the litter per say. I know what it’s like to be nothing to most yet everything to everyone when needed.

Leaving a cult isn’t the easiest thing to do. Being disassociated as they say equates to being shunned. If you were walking down the street, no one could look in your direction let alone share the same path. The best part, the same people who preach this Jehovah word are the same people hypocritically and intimately involved with minors. I have more examples, but that’s enough for tonight.

I stick by my family, but I know right from wrong. It’s the one decision my husband doesn’t regret. I am forever grateful he left that cult religion, or else I would have never met him. Here we are, still standing strong together.

Good Night…

First day of School…

This school year looks a lot different than previous years. My boys started their school year from home this year. I am officially in the business of homeschooling my kids. I am grateful that my kids love each other more than they hate each other because they spend every break so far hanging out together. Technology issues are something I don’t believe my school district pondered thoroughly. I understand all the mass chaos around Teachers not wanting to go back on campus for their own health and safety, trust me – I get it. As a working mom who works remotely, it is only because I do that I am able to keep my kids home.

Honestly, my husband and I talked through our situation and decided it was best to keep our boys home. I can’t imagine what the families went through who either don’t have a 2-salary household or just don’t have the means other than to send their child(ren) to school. Last week, when I was rushing to prepare my kids for their first day school, it hit me how blessed I am. I realize a lot of shit that I complain about, but not as much as I used to because I realize how much we have compared to others, and I never want to take that for granted. So many people are struggling with the Pandemic, the Coronavirus, not knowing how they should have their child’s education delivered, working remotely with 101 distractions, the list goes on…

I’m sure moms alike can agree that the world only hits the fan when we are seated, calm and collected. The moment we log in to our first morning meeting, one of the dogs comes back in with their paws muddy. My OCD kicks into overdrive, and I obsessed about wanting to clean the mess until I actually do. I swear, I hope my boss sends me those bluetooth headphones she mentioned because I could do so much more during this time. They’re picky about us logging into meetings from our computers versus our cellphones, or else I’d be all over that.

Going back to the meaning of this post, I just still want my kids school experience to be like it was, not like it is. I miss buying school supplies with them, meeting their teacher and signing up for everything we could probably waste our money on. I enjoy being a part of the PTA, I still hope for Teachers to get paid more, for students to feel more inclusive and embrace cultural diversity, etc. I hope for a lot right now that just isn’t happening.

My PSA for this post is a wish that every student is given adequate if not more than necessary to feel fully supported learning from new platforms, with technology that isn’t cheap, trying to manage multiple applications as Teachers who are used to developing a lesson plan and cutting out their own custom figurines to entertain their students. School is different, and I just want to give my kids a good homeschool experience!

If any parents want to share insight on what it’s like to Homeschool, I’m all ears!

Letter to my Son excerpt…

Yesterday, my first born son turned 13 years old. It was such a good time shared between the four of us. Though this was now how we planned on spending it quarantined, it was awesome to just get out of our respective offices and be together – in the moment. I love my boys. I have a unique relationship with my first born son. My son understands me at my worst and, often times, helps redirect me. My son has literally told me before, “mom, it’s not a big deal”, and I’ve looked right at him and let a huge sigh out before I replied, “you’re right, it’s not”. I am not ashamed to admit this because as a mother, I worry a lot. Heck, as a Parent – we all worry!

May you always know how much I love you. I was told I would never get pregnant because of how many women issues I had. You are a blessing to my life, both my babies are. I love you so much, and I am grateful for you because you have made me a better woman, a better friend and a better wife to your dad. I never realized how much #mentalhealth stuff I needed to sort out before having kids. No matter how you plan life, life has its own plan. I’m relieved it happened that way, because through raising you I have identified the areas I want to work on myself.

You cut veggies like a Champ! When I’m cooking dinner, I always appreciate how much I can count on you if my veggies are still whole. When your birthday needs help leveling up in his video game or cooking his own food, you opt to come right away and help him out. Your leadership is evident and I am so proud of you and love the bond you and your brother share.

Now that you’re 13, an official QuaranTEEN, I admit that I am nervous. Society is so different compared to when I was growing up, add a Pandemic and Homeschool to that. I have faith that you will do amazing this school year. You will always have a path for you to accomplish your goals and live your best life. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for being so good to me. I love you and I am grateful for you as a blessing of 2.

Happy 13th Birthday to my baby boy, I love you today, forever and always.

The aftermath..

This time last year was so different, so much better to be honest. I had just graduated with my master’s degree and was at a good place in my career. I allowed influence and stress to take over my life, and the livelihood of my own family. Multiple factors made us vulnerable and drove us to radical changes. We moved across the country twice in one year, and experienced a lot of hardship in between. We thought we were making the right choice, but our journey as a family had taken a sharp turn into turmoil. I experienced things that reminded me of my childhood, and I was quickly reminded of why it was not a good choice to make this move.

Truth has it that, we as people, get stronger with every trial and tribulation we endure. I believe it. It has been 10 months since all that madness began, and I am NOT the same person I was. My perspective has changed. My boundaries have been redefined. I consider this a positive since we all must grow from our mistakes as adults.

I have learned a lot about myself and my behaviors. Always being focused on breaking the cycle and being the difference took a toll on me. The urge to seek the attention and love I lacked as a Parental child growing up in a single-parent household haunted me. It led me across the country yearning for something that just is not there, and I get it now.

I am back in my home State of Florida, and time has given me clarity. My feelings towards the people who hurt us have been rehabilitated. A grip of reality and the ability to accept things as they are. A new perspective towards the future and what will come. I have faith things will continue to improve.

I decided to start this blog to connect with community as I document this journey. As I grow closer to my “late 30’s”, I want to utilize my passion for writing now more than ever. Being quarantined in the middle of a Pandemic has definitely provided influence! I look forward to documenting my experiences as a wife, mother, dog mom, and working mom.